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One of the most clever songwriters and quick-witted live comedians in the business... with his high speed, low-drag act that constantly changes and evolves, Pat has such strong material and improv skills, no two shows are ever the same... not even close.
seen and heard on last comic standing the howard stern show the bob and tom show schedule get tickets

Little Sponge

IMG_0260I try to keep my worldview and language in check so as not to fog my 6 year-old Jimmy’s sunny outlook on life. If I say something inappropriate, I let him know that it’s not a word or philosophy that should be repeated outside the home. He knows what NOT to say in polite company, but I did not count on was how absorbent he is to seemingly harmless conversation.

I am not good at remembering people’s names; I have the bad habit of giving silly nicknames to neighbors, store clerks and various others with whom I have limited contact. They are for the most part quick, thoughtless and superficial observations. For example, I call the 6 foot 5 inch waiter with the slight hunch we see at Marco’s Pizza, “Big Bird”, and the lady who jogs by our house in spandex with the huge thighs “Ham Hocks.” I’ll use them in a sentence: “Boy, I sure hope ‘Big Bird’ brings our pizza soon, I’m starving. Hey, Jimbo, look, it’s ‘Ham Hocks’ again. She’s been running every day for months now and hasn’t lost a pound.” Jimmy laughs and it’s our private little joke. No one hears, no one gets hurt.

The other morning I was on my way to the airport and suddenly greeted by the man from across the street. He says, “Hi, we’ve never met officially; my name is Jim Reichart but you may know me as ‘Gin Blossoms.’ Your son told me that’s what you call me.” I said with a straight face, “Son, what son? “I don’t have a son.” He continued, “I’ll have you know, Mr. Comedian, that these bumps and spots on my nose are not alcohol-related, they’re genetic. I’ve had surgery to repair the damage and that’s why it’s red and swollen. No one in my family thinks your childish name-calling is funny. My wife ‘Chatty Cathy’ is not amused and neither is our son, ‘Salad Tosser.’” He paused and then added, “When I Google ‘Salad Tosser’, I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have to kick your ass.”

I felt terrible on the flight to Ft. Lauderdale and as I was waiting for the cranky, older, flight attendant to bring me a Diet Coke, I decided that I would be more careful with nicknames around the “Little Sponge” when I got home. Boy, I sure hope “Saggy Puss” brings the beverage cart soon; I could use a soda as a diversion, instead of having to make small talk with “Ballsack Breath” next to me.

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