brown line tan line
One of the most clever songwriters and quick-witted live comedians in the business... with his high speed, low-drag act that constantly changes and evolves, Pat has such strong material and improv skills, no two shows are ever the same... not even close.
seen and heard on last comic standing the howard stern show the bob and tom show schedule get tickets

Law & Order (in da house)

IMG_0079Here’s an iPhone conversation via it’s text function with my ex-wife, Kimberly, back when we were in love. Watch this escalate into a Tracy/Hepburn movie or an episode of Law and Order.

I asked her to review some of my recent tweets (Twitter updates), and so it starts.

Kimberly: I like stupid police chief, politician affair, Halloween costume, lying about the meteor, diet cola, vomiting models, balloon boy as Anne Frank and trailer trash. There.

Me: Hell, you could have just said you liked them all. Btw, You forgot the one about Avery that you said you liked over the phone.
Kimberly: I didn’t forget Avery’s. I told you about it on the phone, so there was no need to include it in the written report.

Me: So you admit your written report wasn’t thorough?

Kimberly: No, I admit nothing of the sort. It was fully thorough. You were trying to say that it was missing a tweet, and I was merely pointing out that the tweet in question had already been adequately communicated.

Me: Sidebar… “Your honor, I’ve had it with Mrs. Godwin’s blatant disregard for the law. How do you rule?” (he whispers me his ruling) That’s what I thought. The judge said the oral agreement was predicated on the premise that you, the defendant, who is representing herself would give me a WRITTEN report on what you thought of my Twitter updates, regardless of your previous oral thoughts on one particular tweet. Gavel smack… “Dismissed!”

Kimberly: Why would he whisper his ruling to YOU at a sidebar? Is this court some sort of “Boy’s Club”? I demand a retrial!

Me: The Judge whispered for one simple reason, that the truth should never be shouted, for it’s message is a subtle, fact-based nod between intelligent people. Liars yell, so that their madness is disguised by sheer volume.

Kimberly: That sounds like something a Christian would say. Are you and your judge boyfriend Jesus freaks?

Me: No, just lovers… of justice.

Kimberly: If you are a true lover of justice then you should be ashamed of yourself. You know you’re wrong and I’m being persecuted without cause.

Me: All I’m ashamed of is being engaged in this mental duel. In the battle of wits, I have the experience and fire power of the United States and you are… Guam. I love Guam, it may be tiny and relatively new, but it’s a beautiful place with potential and heart.

Kimberly: But apparently a stupid, tiny, new, beautiful place with potential and heart.

Me: Inexperience is sometimes diagnosed falsely as stupidity.

Kimberly: I love you

Me: I love you too.

horizontal rule

No comments yet

You can be the first to comment!

Leave a comment

spacer
spacer