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One of the most clever songwriters and quick-witted live comedians in the business... with his high speed, low-drag act that constantly changes and evolves, Pat has such strong material and improv skills, no two shows are ever the same... not even close.
seen and heard on last comic standing the howard stern show the bob and tom show schedule get tickets

Letter to my Sister and Brother-In-Law

IMG_2962Margaret and Mark,

I accept your generous holiday invitation and look forward to seeing everyone. It just so happens that I’m performing in Scranton, PA that weekend and since Thanksgiving falls on a Thursday this year, that would be perfect. Yes, my birthday coming up is a big one and I do know how old I’m going to be.

I will be traveling with my nurse Kimberly and her assistant Avery. One empties the bag and the other pushes the chair. God has sent these angels to me and if you do engage them in conversation, keep it simple… they’re from Ohio. During the meal they will be instructed to stay in the foyer and remain quiet. I sleep sitting up so I can be put anywhere at night and the girls nap in shifts by my side.

Margaret, as you know I have special meal requirements and will need all my food to be pureed and served at no more than 84 degrees. This is due to esophageal scarring as a result of drinking rubbing alcohol in rehab. Please refrain from using vanilla extract, cooking sherry or liqueurs when preparing the meal for even if I were to ingest trace amounts of hooch accidentally, it could trigger a 5-day binge (oh, how I’ll miss your Jameson stuffing).

I’ll forward our flight plans so you can arrange for a handicapped equipped van to pick us up at the airport and transport us to your place.

See you soon (God willing),

Your loving brother, Pat

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